Boundaries or No Boundaries – How to Survive?

written by Charan Surdhar
, Epigeneticist



As a practitioner now for many years, I have come across so much different advice having to do with boundaries in my business, in my personal life and so on. The advice that I received varied so much, and actually became stressful to keep up with.

It was advice to do with how much do I charge, how much time do I allot for the client, and then if it’s a friend, do I charge? The list goes on and on.

Would you have thought that self-esteem has anything to do with boundaries? Yes, it’s so key. When our self-esteem is low it is reflected to us by the decisions we make in our business and our life, as everything we deal with is a relationship of some kind or another. It’s easy to say, “listen to your heart and your gut” when all there is, is mind chatter, and so much about what others will think of you, and not wanting to hurt anyone. Yes, I’ve been there and done it, and of course I am still learning.

Just to give you an example, in the last week I was approached by someone who wanted to have sessions with me, but said that it was too expensive, asking if I would reduce the price. In the past I would have responded from fear, why? Because a whole barrage of situations would have popped into my head about “I’m going to loose a client, I need to do whatever I can to keep the client, clients are hard to come by, etc, etc”, you get the gist I’m sure. But what I’ve learned is to come to a place of quiet within me, and I don’t mean to sit down and meditate, I mean that while I’m doing other things I honor myself to not respond immediately and really tune into my heart to see what I need to do in this situation. After sitting with it for a few days, I responded by saying what felt right to do so in this situation, and maybe to have a session a month in order to cut down the cost. She then responded back to me with the following (and I have permission to share this from her):

“Dear Charan, thank you for your reply. I want to apologize for my message before. I was really in panic and completely in reaction. I learned such a valuable lesson from you – it seems that it had to happen that way. You value yourself, you value your time. I can so much learn from you. I, unfortunately, don’t do it for myself…. Your reply opened my eyes and made it clear to me..…I really very much value your work and contribution. Wishing you all the best and thank you for opening my eyes.”

When we allow ourselves to be true to ourselves then we not only are being authentic, but the decisions are made from a space of love, and this allows the other individual to then see their truth too. In that way, healing happens. It’s not about the money, but about how much you value YOU, and the work you do, and this then boils down to self-esteem, because the money is really an exchange of energy. There are so many ways in our day to day interactions that we are called to respond, and the question is; can we respond from authenticity and our own truth with compassion for ourselves first and then others?

I wanted to share some tips here on how it is possible to be able to tune into your heart and gut to be able to make these decisions with ease. But a word of caution, this is not a be-all-end-all kind of list, but to feel into what feels right for you to begin to tune into your heart in a more centered way. The heart is the gateway to the higher Self or God or Divine, whatever you want to call it, and it is from here that you have access to all the answers you need.

1. Your Body is your friend
When you find yourself in a life situation in which you are asked to do something, ask yourself, does saying yes make me feel expanded or contracted? Think of animals, they have a heightened sense of knowing when something is right for them or not, when they feel something isn’t right they move away, but when it is they go towards it. Many things in nature do this. When you ask yourself this question and you feel contracted it’s a signal to yourself that it isn’t right to move forward with this request. Feeling expanded, on the other hand, is a signal to move through with it as it feels right to your body.

2. Daily Practice to help stay Tuned into your Body
This can be different for everyone, but the most universal way to do this, I feel, is to be in nature for a few minutes a day. That can mean a walk in nature, or to stand barefoot on grass. Whatever way you do this is beneficial, as it allows your body to sync with the natural rhythms of the Earth. Studies have shown (done by many others including the HeartMath Institute) that the rhythm of a coherent heart is the same as that of the Earth. By doing this practice in anyway that feels right to you, you are taking that frequency and rhythm with you into the rest of your day and then more able to respond to situations from this place.

3. Releasing your Heart-Wall
As we go through life, we find ourselves in many situations, such as divorce, or experiencing death of a loved one, and so on. As we go through these situations we experience many emotions, and these can get trapped around our heart in an effort by our subconscious mind to protect you. But after those events are over the Heart-Wall begins to act as a filter to the natural rhythms of the heart, this can impact the way we experience life and how we make decisions. It is possible to release the Heart-Wall. You can do this by reading the book “The Emotion Code”, by Dr. Bradley Nelson, or work with an Emotion Code or Body Code practitioner to do so.

4. Where is your energy in every moment “Beware or Be-Aware”
I recently came across this video by Blossom Benedict, that really resonated with me. When we can put down our boundaries we welcome all energies and have “no barriers”, and in this case we are in allowance of what is, rather then in resistance. She explains this beautifully and demonstrates it so well in this video. I’ve had amazing results when I have let down my boundaries and instead allowed myself to be present to all, it is from this place that we are more able to make decisions from our gut and heart that make us feel expansive rather then contracted.

Making decisions from your truth, is where the magic happens and you are helping others get in touch with their own truth.

contact author Charan Surdhar
, Epigeneticist



2019-07-02T10:04:34-06:00April 4th, 2014|Articles, Emotional Wellness|0 Comments

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