Do you have a hard time saying no to certain things or people? Is it difficult for you not to drop everything to do someone a favor, or stress yourself out because you want to help someone, or be involved in as many things as possible? If so, you might benefit from learning to create and hold energetic boundaries.
Energy Protection for Empaths
Setting energetic boundaries can be especially challenging for empathic or highly sensitive people. Empathic people want to be there for everyone and support them in every way possible, but it’s essential to remember that you cannot take care of anyone if you don’t take care of yourself! If you are an empath, a highly sensitive person, or empathetic, that makes setting boundaries and protecting your energy even more important!
Protect Your Energy with Strong Boundaries
It can be difficult to protect your energy and set boundaries, especially with the people you love. Try to establish these practices and practice them daily so they are a natural response. Even if you are just starting to learn to set boundaries now, these tips will still help.
Listen to your body. When you find yourself in a situation where you are asked to do something, take a moment to check in with yourself. Ask yourself, does saying ‘yes’ make me feel expanded or contracted? Then, see how your body feels. When you ask yourself this question and you feel contracted, upset, tight, or stressed, it’s a signal to yourself that it isn’t right to move forward with this request. Feeling expanded, light, happy, or relaxed on the other hand, is a signal to move forward with it – since it feels right to your body.
Set strong, consistent energetic boundaries by keeping people who constantly cause you stress, or situations that consistently bring you anxiety, at a distance. This is not selfish, it’s choosing to protect your happiness and well-being.
Steer clear of the sources of negative energy, and release negative energies when they do come up.
Releasing your Heart-Wall can have a big impact on your ability to set healthy boundaries. As we go through life, the emotions we experience can get trapped around our hearts in an effort by our subconscious mind to protect us. The Heart-Wall® begins to act as a filter for the natural rhythms of the heart, impacting our ability to listen to our intuition and heart.
Center yourself with deep breathing techniques. Breathe in clean positive vibes, and exhale the negative energies. Try to visualize the energies, perhaps by assigning each a color and “watching” them flow in and out.
Practice meditation. Steal a few minutes in a quiet area like a bathroom or unused bedroom, and center yourself.
Identify a shielding technique and practice it daily, even after the holidays. Think of shielding like a Patronus from the Harry Potter stories — a bright, shining guardian that shrouds you in a bubble of energetic protection.
Know your social limits. If more than a couple hours is damaging to your spirit, acknowledge that and make sure arrangements are in place that allow you to leave when you need to.
Respect your own needs. If an excessively loud conversation is overwhelming, distance yourself.
Strengthen yourself prior to stressful situations. Spend quality alone time meditating, walking, or doing whatever helps you feel strong and confident.
Just say no. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. You must take care of yourself first, and you may not be able to do everything people ask of you. Say no, and know that you do not need to explain yourself. It is as simple as that.
Why is it so hard to say no?
People pleasing is usually driven by good intentions. We want to be nice! We sincerely want to help. We don’t want to be perceived as selfish, unhelpful, or incapable. Or, maybe we feel that saying no will lead to a confrontation we don’t want. Whatever your reasons, it can lead to feeling overwhelmed or neglecting your own needs because you’re so busy trying to please everyone else. To all you people pleasers out there, we have one thing to say — Stop it (please). 😉 There are a lot of methods — energy healing included — that might help you set boundaries to protect your energy.
Learning How to Set a Boundary and Say No
If saying no is kind of a new thing to you, it might help to have these techniques in your back pocket for the very moment someone asks you for something. Often, the obstacle that stands between you and a polite refusal could be as simple as getting the words out or knowing how to respond without too much thought. With that in mind, here are some literal ways to politely say no.
Keep it Simple
You can be direct and still be polite. Say something like, “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’ve really got too much on my plate to take on something else.” Or you can try, “Thanks for the invitation, but I’m afraid I’m already booked.” Keep in mind that you haven’t done anything wrong, and there is no need to apologize. You’re simply opting out for your own good, and learning how to say no to things.
Defer Until Later
If you don’t know what to say in the moment, you can buy yourself some response time by saying, “I really need to check my workload and get back to you.” Then you can think it over, examine your priorities, or think of a way to diplomatically decline if that’s what you want to do.
If you’re being asked to do something you simply don’t want to do (such as a social activity you don’t enjoy, or a date with someone you’re not interested in), try something like, “I’m glad you invited me, but that doesn’t really line up with my goals right now,” or, “I’m flattered, but to be honest, I think we shouldn’t complicate our friendship by dating.” You could also be more frank and tell them you don’t want to give them the wrong impression of your feelings or preferences by saying yes to a date or social activity.
If the other person is a good friend or family member, you could even explain that you’ve been working on your ability to say no and that doing so is really for your own emotional or mental benefit. If they love you, they’ll probably understand.
Keep Your “No” In Perspective
In learning how to say no, remember that you’re simply turning down a request, not rejecting a person. You might love and respect the person making the request, but don’t let that make you feel obligated. Chances are, they’ll completely understand — especially if you’re gracious and reaffirm your fondness for them in your response.
Eliminate Emotional Baggage
Could there be a trapped emotion making you more inclined to people please, and overstep your own boundaries? Learning how to say no might be easier if you remove that emotional energy with the Emotion Code®.
Setting Energetic Boundaries
Setting boundaries may feel harsh, but really it benefits everyone! Read on for a story about setting boundaries from one of our wonderful energy healing practitioners, Charan Surdhar from Massachusetts, USA.
“I was approached by someone who wanted to have [energy healing] sessions with me, but said that it was too expensive, asking if I would reduce the price. In the past, I would have responded from fear. Why? Because a whole barrage of situations would have popped into my head. “I’m going to lose a client, I need to do whatever I can to keep the client, clients are hard to come by, etc., etc.” You get the gist I’m sure. What I’ve learned is to come to a place of quiet within me. While I’m doing other things I honor myself and don’t respond immediately. I really tune in to my heart to see what I need to do in this situation. After sitting with it for a few days, I responded by saying what felt right to do so in this situation, suggesting we have a session a month in order to cut down the cost. She then responded back to me with the following (and I have permission to share this from her):
“Dear Charan, thank you for your reply. I want to apologize for my message before. I was really in panic and completely in reaction. I learned such a valuable lesson from you – it seems that it had to happen that way. You value yourself, you value your time. I can learn so much from you. I, unfortunately, don’t do it for myself…. Your reply opened my eyes and made it clear to me… I really very much value your work and contribution. Wishing you all the best and thank you for opening my eyes.”
When we allow ourselves to be true to ourselves, we not only are being authentic, but the decisions are made from a space of love, and this allows the other individual to see their truth too. In that way, healing happens. It’s not about the money, but about how much you value YOU, and the work you do, and this then boils down to self-esteem, because the money is really an exchange of energy. There are so many ways in our day-to-day interactions that we are called to respond, and the question is can we respond from authenticity and our own truth with compassion for ourselves first and then others?
Making decisions from your truth is where the magic happens, and you are helping others get in touch with their own truth.”
Try using these tools to set and hold boundaries, and see if your energy shifts. Learning to say ‘no’ makes space for you to say ‘YES’ to your priorities! Need help releasing trapped emotions that could be impacting your ability to set boundaries? Schedule an energy healing session with one of our practitioners today.